DIARY OF AN AJBUTTER KID 3

I know you’ve missed me, well I’ve been a bit sick so I haven’t really had time😩. Mom suggested I visited the hospital but I’m a man and I can take care of myself…. Okay, truth is, the hospital brings bad memories. Memories of when I got divorced amongst others… oh I never told you I was married? Well yes, I was married to the love of my dreams *****name withheld for security reasons*****😊.

So how I got divorced was some time ago when I was sick, everyone requested I eat so I could get better, I wasn’t having appetite so mum got me some oranges. After having the oranges,  I got a bit hungry so mum made me eat baked cassava grains and palmnut soup😥.. It is my ancestral food though; I think grand pa would fall sick and probably die if he goes a day without having palmnut soup, which he calls banga soup. Later that evening I was set to go the hospital for treatment, I noticed an upset in my intestines but I was sure it was going to relief me. I got to the hospital with dad and I was ushered to a room alone with the love of my dreams Nurse Veronica😃. This is what I have always dreamt of I thought to myself, she romantically tapped my shoulder and said it won’t be painful, I smiled and said to myself, love is worth any pain😏. She told me to turnaround and face the window, she probably didn’t want me to see her get undressed😉…. I totally understand. In less than a minute, I felt her soothing hands around my waist, that was the closest I had been to paradise😵. She moved her hands gently round my waist from behind and unbuttoned my trouser. What a romantic lady. She pulled my trouser down a bit and I felt a cold wet stuff on my butt. Could she be that she’s kissing my butt😲. I was still trying to understand the romance when I felt a sharp piercing on my butt …I screamed and just at that moment, my stomach upset got a breakthrough my butt. Nurse Veronica wasn’t pleased with me I could see it on her face as she went to the restroom to wash herself up and change her lab coat. It wasn’t intentional like twit does😩. It was either my ancestral delicacy which I had earlier or the oranges. I don’t think it was the soup though cause mom later said she sent mama Tunde to get the oranges for me that day. I am sure mama Tunde poisoned my orange😒…. And From that day, I drew the battle line against mama Tunde😠. Nurse Veronica came out and right there she divorced me. Cause ever since that day she stopped calling me her husband. Worst is, she started calling Hilbert her husband😩. I was emotionally and mentally unstable for a long time. How can she break up with me just because of a little mistake and she went ahead to marry my younger brother. I’m still looking for ways to break up their union someday😈. Maybe when I’m old enough, I’ll take the matter to court.

Talking about being old,

So I’ll be 16 in no time My birthday is rolling in real fast and I'm already mailing old friends and relatives urging them to save up enough cash to make my birthday a memorable one. And I still don’t have a girlfriend but there is this new girl in my class, I think I have a crush on. Her name is Mirabel. She's practically the most beautiful girl in the whole school. I made up my mind to express my feelings to her yesterday but dad had us eat garlic-spiced rice for breakfast and that kept me mute throughout the day😒. I bet you know what garlic can do to one's breath.

So today I made up my mind that I'll let Mirabel know that I am ready to be her Romeo😎. Even though I was a bit intimidated and rough handled this morning. What happened this morning was, mom had travelled for some career training in Switzerland and dad hasn’t renewed his car papers still. And I won’t want us to get harassed by the police like we experienced yesterday. Yesterday dad was going to drop I and Hilbert off at school when he was stopped by the police😓. Apparently, dad didn’t know his license had expired…… ***my dad can be so unserious with life😑***. Mom wouldn’t make such a mistake. Dad referred to the officer as his friend while trying to explain to him. And I was trying to eavesdrop on their conversation until I heard the police officer tell dad, “I’m not your friend my friend”, “you better keep quiet and start talking”. I was as confused as ever😕.  Trying to understand their conversation was more difficult than a bird trying to ride a bicycle😔. I wouldn’t want to go through such today so I decided to take public transportation to school. I walked out of our estate gate and boarded a tricycle, popularly called keke. I was highly intimidated when two fat women came to seat at both sides, leaving me squeezing at the middle😒. I got down at my school gate looking like a debtor that had been dragged to pay up his debt😢. But I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from sweeping Mirabel off her feet today🙏.

       It was break time and everyone was busy doing a thing or two. Mirabel was standing out along the walkway, her arms folded stylishly as she leaned her curvy body against the balcony rails and watched the junior students play volleyball. gosh, I ogled at her beauty😋. her hair was Dark and well Weaved like a princess awaiting her suitor, her uniform was neatly ironed and perfumed. One could smell her scent from a mile away.  she smiled while she watched the boys play. 

I thought to myself, 'this is the best girl in the world'.

I couldn't help smiling sheepishly like an overfed chicken😀. 

time to strike!  But to my greatest surprise, Mirabel started walking towards me. This must be God at work I thought. She walked majestically and when she approached I could feel the scent of her perfume.  I quickly adjusted my Collar and neatly arranged my sleeves. I took a deep breath to be sure I was free from the garlic stench😎. 

I stood up from my seat and sat on my desk as a bad guy (irrespective of the fact that a law was passed in assembly hall last week that bans students from sitting or standing on desks). I was shivering in me but I didn't let that affect my Confidence. I am the most handsome boy in this school😊. I said to myself. Or maybe the second most handsome or the fifth…..or…you know what, I don’t care the number I fall in the handsome boys ranking, all I know is, this is my time

Finally she got close to me; I was still acting like I didn’t know she was standing next to me. Then she tapped me gently and acted all calm and composed. I turned and she said to me in her calm sweet voice “I think you should visit the restroom to wash away the dried soap stain in your ear”😞😞😭

At that point I was on mute and all I could see was the last seed of bathing soap I used to take my bath that morning. And at that moment, I swore I was never gonna use that brand of soap again. All this wouldn’t happen if mom was around but my stingy dad doesn’t care if we are running out of stock in the house😣.

Well, as a man that I am, I must get myself together and stick to my purpose of the day😏. So I timidly said “I left the soap there cause it is part of a chemistry practical I am working on”. To avoid further deliberations on that soap issue, I quickly added…”you're Mirabel the new girl right?  Welcome to The Great Pillars College. I muttered”😎. 

She turned and smiled, thanks sir! She said.  Although, I was a bit not comfortable with the ‘sir’ title she gave me. Then she went further to say, 'you must be Mayowa Lakatos right? The boy I met at the bus stop yesterday?

Like seriously😲?  I was like WTF😱? At this point, my confidence melted like ice in Lagos traffic. Mayowa Lakatos is the ugliest boy in the whole school. A day hardly goes by without hearing news of Mayowa fighting with a senior student.  Mayowa spends one third of his entire school period in detention. How could she have mistaken me for him!  Howells my friend once told me I looked like Mayowa Lakatos. Now I'm beginning to reconsider if he was actually joking about that or if he meant what he was saying😐 

How could she have mistaken me for Mayowa. I still couldn't get that off my head. Well, I now tried explaining to her that I was Neptune Berkeley and all that. But she was already gone.  

I checked my wristwatch and damn! Break time was over. Just then I heard the sound of my English teacher saying,”hey you that boy sitting on the desk, go on your knees now”... I peeped outside the class and I saw that Mr. Salami the English teacher was already making his way into my class. Salami does not condone negligence from students. He practically has his long cane attached to his hands; I have never seen him without a cane in his hands. so it was obvious i was in for some deep poo😶😶. 

I received 10 strokes of cane that faithful day in front of everyone in class including the almighty Mirabel... Everyone laughed uncontrollably at me.

I even heard Mirabel say something to her friends like 'this Mayowa boy always gets himself into trouble' and they all laughed wickedly😢.  

For goodness sake I am Not Mayowa Lakatos  .... I am Neptune Berkeley😠.

       After receiving 10 strokes of Mr. Salami's whip, I acted all cool and easy like I felt no pain😏...  Just to impress the ladies... But I had to take a hot water seat bath when I got home to prevent my lip sorry butt from swelling. 

DIARY OF AN AJEBUTTER KID 2

Well, today is Saturday, the beginning of yet another weekend, few years ago, I usually look forward to weekends but of recent weekends haven’t really been nice to me😞.  I remember one Saturday, Mom, Hilbert and i went for a party; Brian had jamb lectures to attend so he couldn’t come along. Hilbert fell asleep at the back seat of mom’s car. If you know my younger brother, you will know he sleeps more than a blind man😉. Mom had to carry his sleepy body to the party hall and with all the noise, Hilbert didn’t move an inch. Even a scarecrow has more stimulus than Hilbert when he’s asleep😶. The party was hosted by mom’s colleague who had a very pretty daughter named Bimpe. As a ladies’ man, I was sitting right next to her😏. Refreshment was served and I was busy having the time of my life smiling and gisting with Bimpe. Not until mom walked up to me and said“ it is when you see food that you’ll start smiling like a basket, better don’t finish that food, remain some for your brother”. That was the last time I ever went to a party with mom.

So On weekends like these, I get to do house chores and do my laundry, I’m a very neat guy you know, I do my laundry every Saturday but this Saturday would be an exception cause I already washed on Thursday afternoon after school. I had to wash cause I came back from school and found that my puppy –Twit- had pooped on my bed spread. That animal has been on a pooing spree of late, it sure needs a puppy diaper or something, at first it pooped on Brian’s laptop, it was funny to me until it did it on my bedspread, dad laughed at the both of us. But today, the dog will be visiting the vet cause dad woke up this morning and found that Twit pooped on his favorite sofa in the sitting room. Dad was so furious. One thing about dad is he never takes things seriously until he’s affected. I remember when mom told him that the kitchen fridge was beginning to shock, dad never took it serious until one day, when he wanted to grab a bottle of cold water after his evening workout, all we heard from the kitchen was dad screaming Ye!!!! We rushed in and we saw dad looking like someone that just returned from Mecca, cause his beards seemed to have added more length. The next day the electrician was around.

So….. .It’s almost evening mom hasn’t returned from the market yet. Brian and Hilbert are on their way to the saloon, I should have gone with them but my hair hasn’t recovered from the last time I was at the saloon. It was a sunny Saturday, I went to my barbers shop and I told him to barb for me the Jason Derulo’s hairstyle he posted on the door of his shop. In no time, I was seated and ready to get the best hairstyle anyone has ever seen in our neighborhood. I was enjoying the haircut and was so loving the warmth feeling of the clipper moving round my head. My eyes were close and I was lost in the cool westlife songs playing from his DVD. In no time, he was through. When I opened my eyes, I found my head looking as plain as the newly constructed lekki-ikoyi link bridge. I was so angry at my barber. He later explained that he made a mistake and he didn’t want me to feel bad so he gave me the hairstyle that will suit me better. So my head looking like a locally grown apple was the best he could come up with. It was then I knew that Nigerian barbers post styles they can’t cut. Thank God school was on holiday then so Brian’s cap became an attachment to my head for more than a week.

So today I’ll be all alone playing the video game uncle Sammy got for us last Christmas. Uncle Sammy is my very rich uncle, he owns one of the best sharwama eatery in Lagos state, somewhere at surulere...(And I’m not bragging).. One thing I know about uncle Sammy is, you can never pick an offense against him for too long, he doesn’t even need to apologize before you forgive and forget. I remember one time Uncle Sammy offended Hilbert and I, so when we heard he was coming over, we decided to act neutral around him. No uncle this, uncle that. So he came and we greeted him formally, he then asked the normal question “how are you boys? “And we said “fine”, the plan was going well until he offered me the sharwama he brought from his eatery; I bluntly said I didn’t have appetite with my hands folded. He turned to Hilbert and before he asked the question, Hilbert had grabbed the nylon, I was like WTF!!!!! That day I knew how Jesus felt when Judas betrayed him. My mom came in and saw only Hilbert munching on the shawarma like a hungry pig and she asked “Neptune won’t you join him? “Uncle Sammy quickly answered, he said he didn’t have appetite, I felt like an outcast that day. They didn’t even beg me to grab a bite. I’m definitely not going to forgive them. So I decided I was going to pack out of the house (yes, I was that angry). I decided to have lunch before packing out but after lunch, I realized I needed to have a last supper too.( don’t look at me that way, it is hard for me to just let go of my Jesus identity). After supper that evening, it was already late so I decided I will carry out my plan the next morning. It’s been two years already and I’m still in my father’s house…… To forgive and forget is actually easier than I thought.

Yawnsss!!!!

 Am I supposed to update my diary on Sundays too?? Well, I’m no longer Jesus’ birthday mate so it’s high time I quit being too holy…. So it Sunday and I woke up before everyone. Dad is actually the one in charge of waking us up on Sundays. To tell the truth, Dad is kind of annoying, he wakes us up by taking the blankets off our body leaving us shivering in the Freezing cold and eventually we'll all jump out of bed like frozen rats  . He thinks it's cool but to me it's just not cool at all...

Well, thank God I woke up just before dad arrived. I was already done dressing up when dad finally came in to wake Brian and Hilbert up.

I kind of feel for Hilbert, he has been exposed to so much ills in life. Yea, reasons being that, we have a bunk kind of bed in our room and Brian selfishly took the up bed all for himself, well that was what mom wanted cos she believed I was too young then to climb up and down the bunk every day, yeah. Hilbert was still a kid then. But presently, there is no mattress on the down bunk anymore. So Hilbert and I sleep on a bigger bed, the bed is just beneath Brian's bed. And unfortunately Brian is a pathetic droller. 

He drools like a poisoned frog when he's asleep.  Well, I actually used to be the one At the receiving end of Brian's drool but I switched sleeping position with Hilbert ever since I noticed the direction Brian faces whenever he activates his drooling mood. 

Although I never told Hibbert why I opined for a change in position.

Just last week I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw Hilbert’s face was completely soaked with Brain's saliva.  Obviously Brian drooled profusely that night. The most disgusting part was that Hilbert was fast asleep and he never knew what was happening to his face, he probably thought he was being breast fed by mom or something cos he kept licking his mouth and smiling like a duck…...........yuck! 

Well, dad came and woke Brian and Hilbert up and we all got dressed for church. In no time we took off, one thing I dislike about our church aside their early morning services is that kids below the age of 15 were forced to stay in the children Sunday school while the adults occupied the main church. Obviously Hilbert still has a lot of Sunday schooling to do cos he's barely 6.

Well, I am almost 16 but sadly I am still being restricted from going inside the main church all because of the unfortunate event that befell me last year. Last year during the children church leavers send-off ceremony, I was glad I was leaving the children church for good, that day was so special to me that I wore my Sunday best to church.  When we got to the main church hall, we, the grandaunts’ were called up on stage and the rest of the children cheered and gave us a befitting standing ovation... I felt really proud  , some set of children sang poems of how they were gonna miss our presence and all that stuff,,, but who cares?  definitely not me.... I was so sure I wasn’t gonna miss anyone  … I was still basking in the euphoria of attending service in the big church and probably sitting beside the gorgeous Christabel who was my crush then  , she was Brian’s classmate and I started tripping when she came top of her class few years ago and on her valedictory speech, she mentioned she was going to pursue a career in engineering (how i love intelligent ladies). I couldn’t get the soothing thoughts off my head when Mrs. Anyawu the children teacher called out my name in the crowd...... "Neptune Berkeley!" she alarmed, because of your beautiful dress and your outstanding voice, we've chosen you to present either a memory verse or a special number on behalf of the grandaunts,  i was like WTF?? What has my dressing got to do with this? It was obvious the devil prepared for me that day. Oh yes, the devil (mama Tunde) was seated at one corner of the congregation, smiling like a horse that has catarrh   . I never had a bible so definitely the memory verse was completely out of it, now I was stuck with singing a special number for the crowd….. 

I stood for complete 2minutes without knowing any reasonable song to sing. The once noisy hall turned quiet and all eyes were fixed on me. I began to shiver and sweat in my pants. Finally lyrics came to my head and started singing “oh Lord come down and manifest your power, oh Lord come down and manifest your power”. The choir was supposed to take it up from there I thought but they were all staring at me, waiting for me to continue. I couldn’t remember what comes next in the chorus of the song I was singing, suddenly I felt a beat playing in my head.. little did i know it was the devil doing what he or rather she does best  ....... all of a sudden I opened my mouth wide and I never knew when i started singing the popular MALONOGEDEDEby Timaya right there at the altar ………..   

Some part of the crowd busted into laughter(obviously the youths) and as it was, my big day of fame became my big day of shame  . My graduation gown was stripped off me. And I was ordered to stay back in the children church for an extra solid year...  that was how I broke the record as the oldest kid in children church ...... a record no one has broken before....... I doubt no one will ever break it. But with the way Hilbert is going with his Wimpy attitude, he may end up doing even worse than I've done.

DIARY OF AN AJEBUTTER KID

I saw this questionnaire hanging at the front page of my diary, so I decided to fill it before I start putting down my tales of life.  

NAME:

 Neptune Berkeley (not on Face book, so don't bother. And no, I’m not from Neptune😏.)

AGE: 

More than 55 years younger than the president of Nigeria😎

OCCUPATION:

Jambite 

DATE OF BIRTH:

Actually I have two date of birth; I don’t know which to put down. It is one of the complications of my life and you will understand why in the course of this tale.

TRIBE:

I hate this question; I feel it is the reason why Africans were referred to as monkeys because they give too much preference to tribe. And it is only monkeys that live in tribe according to my primary school English text book “tribe of monkeys”.

NATIONALITY:

Nigerian American (Don’t question me any further on this please😏😏)

ARE YOU SINGLE, DATING OR MARRIED: 

I want to MARRY this girl oooooooh...😉 I'm DATING her but she's making me feel SINGLE. So in summary I'm SINGLE-handedly in a Relationship.

THOSE YOU LOVE:

My mum and myself. I still don’t know why my mom fell for my dad and married him though. I guess it was probably a case of unwanted pregnancy cause my elder bro looks like someone that wasn’t planned for😆

THOSE YOU DISLIKE:

My neighbors’ ugly wife (mama Tunde). She came up with the insult of my head looking like the planet Neptune. Hence, my parent named me Neptune. She seems to be my personal devil, in fact anytime I pray about the devil all I see is her face👿. 

THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON YOU KNOW:

 HILBERT BERKELY (my younger brother  ) although he doesn’t know about this platform yet... but it’s only a matter of time before he Finds out and hits the comment section.....let me not say much... but trust me, He's really a pain in the ass. Watch out for him 

THOSE YOU WOULD LOVE TO GIVE A DIRTY SLAP IN REAL LIFE: 

MAYOWA LAKATOS (you will get to know why as you follow my tale)

YOUR BEST FRIEND:  

Most of my friends act like 5th graders...They always come up with crazy ideas whenever i give them the chance to decide for Me... Imagine Hakeem (my childhood friend) was seriously advising me to Date our school cook’s daughter ... you need to see this cook’s daughter’s teeth... more like an afro comb😞 "God forbid!... So I agree with no one but myself when it comes to decision making😎

WHO DO YOU CONSIDER SEXY (OPPOSITE SEX):

 Girls Who love mathematics and most importantly Physics💕

WHO DO YOU CONSIDER UGLY (OPPOSITE SEX):

Those who don’t have SELF control especially in public places.... 😠 I used to Date one Pretty Lady named Precious way back in the past, she was my first girlfriend.... 😊 One faithful day the skirt she was putting on got stuck to our class door... she tried all she could to let herself free without damaging the skirt all to no avail. So she called on me to help her get the skirt off the door.... (Actually it was a thread from the skirt that got stuck in the door's hinge... and the funny thing was that it was her 'BUM' area that got stuck) there was no scissors around so I decided to use my teeth to undo the tie.....💪

I gently bent low, directed my face close to her back side, and then I opened my clean fresh mouth and started using my teeth to cut out the thread..... Next thing I heard was a THUNDEROUS SOUND......

Initially I thought the electricity sparked 💥 ... but then i discovered my acclaimed girlfriend Just released a Thunderous FART.... 🙆 and worst of it all... It was directly on my Face.... 😷😢😢😭 what manner of lack of self control is that? She still doesn’t know the reason for our break up because I'm still composing the breakup letter. 

YOUR OLDER CRUSH:

I have a crush on……..can I trust you diary😐? I have a crush on veronica, our family nurse.

FAVOURITE ARTIST:

 Definitely not Timaya, he made me repeat a year in the teenage church.

BEST FOOD:

Rice, everyone likes rice. (it’s the food found in most parties if not all. I think every Nigerian favorite food is rice too. But Nigerians like forming, so when asked their favorite food, they be like; strawberry cheesecake pineapple pudding)

WORST FOOD:

It must be either banga soup or oranges because they made me poop on my body when I was being injected for treatment by veronica sometime ago😩

MOST HONORED MOMENT:

When I came top of the class in pre-common entrance quantitative test. I was given the prize of #50. I was so honored.

Oh, I also won a ribena poetry competition and I was awarded two notebooks and a pen (my writing skills have been acknowledged by a world class brand😏)

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT:

Moment??? LOL, welcome to the tale of my life.

EPISODE ONE

So, Dear dairy……GOSH!!!😖 I didn’t just use the word dear…. I am a man and I must express my masculinity💪 to the best of my ability during the course of this tale.

Okay well, I'm a young lad who ideally is not supposed to be doing this. But fortunately and unfortunately I happen to be here. So enjoy my tale.

Ps: this is actually me expressing myself and telling my story ... But don't expect something like "dear diary this, dear diary that. Gosh that's for emotional ladies😌. I'm a man and I have to act like a man and before I forget; kindly ignore all my errors....  I'm only a kid😊

And on my cover page, the cover designer kind of made the ''DEAR DIARY" mistake so I just had to use my pen to cancel the "DEAR" out of the picture completely😏. So now you're welcome to the first of its kind. ●● DIARY OF AN AJEBUTTER KID●● by Neptune Berkeley

My name is Neptune and NO I wasn't born in Neptune😠.  I was born in the United States but I somehow found my way back to Nigeria. Well, maybe I wasn't really born in the USA but at least that's what I was told by my parent. Well, by my old date of birth, I should be 16years by December but by my recent date of birth, I will be 16 in few weeks time😉. 

The reason for the confusion is that my parents lie a lot. I don't mean to wash my parent’s linen in public but it's the truth. They lie a lot😕. 

My dad told me I was born on a Christmas day. And I don’t think I am crazy for believing that, after all it came from my dad. I felt like Jesus in a way😊. It gave me a sense of pride. I grew up believing I was Jesus' birthday mate not until some years ago when I turned 11, I was ransacking the house looking for some bullets to put in grandpa’s gun. I did see some bullets for the gun but I also saw something else. I was in dad's room searching his cupboard for grandpa’s bullets when I came across one Hospital card with my name written on it, I began to wonder where that stuff came from, definitely not from Veronica's clinic I said to myself ( veronica was our family nurse. She was pretty and I had a crush on her well that's story for another day😜)

I was curious about the content of the Hospital card, so I decided to check in it. Lo and behold what I saw was the most shocking news of my life. 

"This is to certify that Neptune Berkeley was born in the aforementioned hospital on the 10th of March 2000 in Lagos state Nigeria...." 

I couldn't believe my eyes😲 after reading the scariest news of my life, so I wasn't born on Christmas day! And I am also not an American by birth… I screamed!😱 I have always seen myself as the second Jesus Christ.  As a matter of fact, I kind of had the conviction that I was the second-coming-of-Jesus-Christ and I came to bring the world to an end😞. 

Well, I braced up, I can handle this I said to myself, then I quickly ran to the house computer and I Googled my newly found date of birth. Hoping to find something interesting. Maybe my new birthday mate could be Barrack Obama or Bill Gates or even Muhammadu Buhari😨. Immediately i tapped the enter key behold what I saw was

”10th March 1950 was the day Osama bin laden was born in Saudi Arabia. Osama bin Laden was the world deadliest terrorist until... blablabla..........”

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I exclaimed😮😱! So Osama bin laden is actually my birthday mate and not Jesus Christ. That day was the day i believed that in this world nothing lasts forever, nothing at all. Not even your date of birth😔.

Towards evening I sat by the door side waiting for my dad to arrive home from work. I was already armed with grandpa's double barrel😠. Thank god I had found the bullets and inserted them already😡.

About my grand dad, he is the oldest man on this planet, he is so old I think he pees dust (no one should here about this please😇). Back to the matter, immediately I heard my dad honk his car, I walked like a boss outside and pointed the gun to his head and alarmed this question into his skull ......when was I born?? 

My dad knew I wasn't joking this time so he gave me a direct answer "you were born the same day with Osama bin laden"

I was like WTF? Did I ask for what I have in common with Osama bin laden or for my birth date😡?? Gosh. I didn't realize when I pulled the trigger... But unfortunately... grandpa's double barrel was only a toy gun and the bullets I had found were some old bitter kola grandpa probably forgot to chew😕😖. (I wonder what grandpa had a toy gun for. It was probably a gift he received when he was my age.)

Okay back to business. Dad now told me that he was sorry he lied about my date of birth that he never wanted his son to have the same date of birth with a terrorist and all

Well, I never believed him; because mom later told me that the reason dad shifted my date of birth to Christmas day was because he never wanted spending extra cash for birthday anniversary celebration😬. Now that made a lot of sense cause my elder brother, Brian and my younger brother, Hilbert were also born on Christmas day. Obviously they were scammed by dad too. It's just a matter of time before they equally burst dad's lies. But I doubt they'll ever find out because they're not as smart and inquisitive as I am😉. Apparently, Dad's plan was to merge our birthday with Christmas celebration......... what a stingy dad I have.

To be continued……

A MESSAGE TO WOO-MEN

It's Okay to be a man
But at that tender age when you bruised your Knee and felt like crying, you couldn't cause men don't cry.

It's Okay to be scared
But when dad travelled, he told you to protect your mom and sister. And when a snake creeps in, even when you haven't seen one before, you must act like you aren't scared and defend the home.

It's Okay to bottle up emotions
But do so and be seen as a rigid man

It's Okay to be emotional
But do so and be embarrassing or irritating

It's Okay to be gentle
But walk away from an unfavorable fight and be called a weakling

It's Okay to be depressed
But try leaving your marriage and risk losing more than half of what you worked your whole life for and probably never get to see your kids again .

It's Okay to get tired too
But stand up when your woman isn't satisfied and regret being a man

It's Okay to love your mom
But do it too much and become mummy's boy

It's Okay to love your wife
But express it too much and become a slave to your wife

It's Okay to admit you have a girlfriend
But say it to every girl you know and risk losing more than half of your female friends

You are super man to your kids, a hero to your spouse and a supplier to family. No wonder your first toy was a gun to show that you'll protect your whole life.

Whether you are a carpenter or not, you must find a solution to the door knob, whether you are a plumber or not, the kitchen sink must be sorted out, your neighbor shouldn't have electricity when you don't, you must find a way to make sure she can watch her favorite program by 10pm, you can't risk waiting till next morning to get it fixed.

You most probably won't get a new shoe till the old one gets bad. You don't even remember your birthday but don't dare forget her birthday even in your dreams.

It's Okay to be rejected for being broke
It's Okay to be insulted
It's Okay to live life for others
It's Okay to be a MAN