DIARY OF AN AJEBUTTER KID 4

Life hasn't been easy over here, a lot of people talking trash about me and lambasting me cause of my diary😒. Everyone calls me Mayowa now😞. You won’t believe that on my way back from Howells crib last week, a thug stooped me and told me that it was ok of me to insult my dad in my diary but I should never write about his younger brother Mayowa, He even threatened to cut my fingers if I post any trash about his younger brother again😓. I could even perceive the stench of alcohol in his breath.  Like how do these street guys get access to my diary😒??? I should have punched👊 him in his face but then fighting is a sin😇(the last time I was involved in a fight, I took a bath in the estate drainage…… don’t ask me how it happened but that was when I realized fighting wasn’t a good thing after all). Well, I’m posting now and incase anything happens to my fingers…. His name is Bashiru, he is Mayowa’s elder brother… you can always find him under the tree close to the lottery shop just outside our estate😤. 

So due to the recent gossips and insults I have been receiving, I have decided to reduce writing about my personal life😶. And so I will be keeping my private life private. Oh yes!, well, Let me gist you how I got my first kiss😤.

My friend Howells had been giving me lectures on how to kiss a girl with practical too😚. I know what you are thinking…… just so you know, we are not gays…. We actually do alternative to practical with oranges. In no time, I had learnt how to kiss oranges perfectly and I was ready for the real deal👍. I didn’t have a girlfriend, so it was going to be either nurse veronica or Christabel (Brian’s classmate)🙏. But as we have it, ***man disposes and God proposes*** or however the saying goes😐.

So there is this girl in teenage church, her name is Blessing. Our meeting was so awkward and we never talked about it. It all happened one Sunday; I was pressed and went to the church toilet to urinate. I was inside the toilet doing my thing when all of a sudden, someone bumped in😲😲….. I said EEHHHH! And she was like AAAHHHH😱😶!!! And that was the end of our conversation. Indeed, the shortest conversation is the one you have with the person who bumps into you in the toilet😒.

Well, we went back into the church after our short conversation and whenever we made eye contact, we end up smiling like tickled puppies😵.

So it all happened on New Year’s Eve last December…. We went for the normal cross over night service and somehow, I was sitting at the back of the church with Blessing. It was awkward at first but after a while, we got gisting uncontrollably😉…. Even the frowning face of the usher couldn’t stop us from our romantic ride that night😈….. We had crossed over to the New Year but in my church, we hold a mini service after the New Year shout….. That is usually the point where I get sleepy😖 but this New Year was a unique one. Somehow, some way, I was outside the church with Blessing at a dark corner😋….. our body was so close to each other like we were set of Siamese twins😉…..at this point I could hear a voice in my head saying she wants you to kiss her😙, the voice sounded like that of mama Tunde💀…. It must have been the devil speaking but I was in church premises and Blessing’s eyes kept telling me ***draw closer in the lord’s presence***😁….. We got really emotional and yes….. We kissed💋💋, I tested my orange skills that I learnt from Howells….at first it was at a slow pace and it was like a snail was moving round my lips😕 and then the pace increased and it was like I was being strangled by an octopus😳😵😵…. Apparently, Blessing hasn’t even kissed before either. It was a crazy experience; I had saliva all over my face😮😭. To think that I switched off the fear of God in me and took the risk of kissing in church only for it to turn out bad…. Oh! What a waste of sin😩😔.  

Okay, I celebrated my birthday last week and I got an unexpected Gift. I got a Gift from nature. It was a strand of hair on my jaw. I already told Brian to help me get a beard cream and a beard brush😁😁… I am gradually becoming a man. I am actually getting old and I haven’t achieved anything in my bucket list yet…. Okay, I have a lot of stuff on that list, maybe I should call it a basin list cause a bucket can’t accommodate all I have on the list😐😕.

Here are a few things on my list

1.  I have to go on a vacation with my side chick😉😁….it is always sweeter with a side chick than with a main chick…. Don’t blame me, that was what the movies made me realize.

2.  I have to get into prison. Everyone who goes into prison for a course ends up being a leader. E.g. obasanjo 😶, Mandela, Gandhi…. and I want to be a leader someday. So this prison is a very important factor.

3.  I need to go to space. But before then, I will need to sew a moon sized Nigeria flag. I want to cover the moon with the flag so whenever the moon shines, it shines green white green😏…. This will be a payback for not being an American citizen😈😈.

4.  I need to win the mtn project fame. I don’t sing often though, I only sing when I have a problem and then I realize my voice is worst than my problem😣😩😔.

5.  I have to get a black belt in kung fu.( don’t ask me what it is for😏)

6.  I think I will have to do a plastic surgery too. I can’t be mistaken for Mayowa all the days of my life😐😒.

7.  Go on a dinner date with nurse veronica, get drunk with her, go under the shower with her(very important😋😋) and you know😏😏😉……?